The Fourth Tuesday: We Talk About My Quarter Chemo Crisis

Live from New York it’s… Tuesday morning!! We have hit treatment number four today which means I am (hopefully) one third of the way done with chemo. Ok so it’s not exactly a quarter, but it sounds way better than having a “third-of-the way-through-chemo crisis.” Anyway, I always say hopefully because I just can’t afford to jinx myself. But, everything has been going great so far, so my hopes are high.

So with four treatments under my belt, things in my body have definitely changed. I am not in full on crisis mode, but there’s just a lot going on in my five foot two temple of a body. There are things I thought I would be OK living with and without, but those thoughts have deeply changed.

For starters, I miss salad. Who in the world misses salad, you ask? Well that person is me. There was a time in my life when all I ordered at restaurants was chicken Caesar salad. I mean everywhere. From a fancy restaurant to Chili’s, even to a Taco Bell where they had a limited time Caesar salad wrap in a quesadilla. It was a mistake making that a limited time offer. And I miss it like a fat kid on a diet misses cake. You would think that vegetables would be encouraged during this process. Wrong. Raw anything carries bacteria and risk of getting a stomach virus which is just a couple trips to the bathroom for you, but for me it lands me a trip to the ER.

Second. There are people, including me, who have said that they can eat pizza every day for the rest of their lives. But I am telling you all that that is a lie. I am sick of having pizza every week because it’s the only take out we’ve decided is (kinda) sanitary. Last week, I was picking up said pizza and watched them pour the sauce into a container that was sitting on the floor. I pretended to ignore it as I have pretended to ignore hair in my meals and continued to enjoy. But seriously, I am bored of pizza. I feel like I am breaking a law when I say that, but it’s true. I miss lo mein so badly that I dream about it. A swimming pool of lo mein. I want that at my remission party.

Third. My taste buds have turned on me( In my opinion, they are most important part of my body). Taste buds that I have pleased with all different sorts of food. They have stabbed me in the back. I was minding my own business, excited to chow down on a turkey burger and that’s when it happened. The first bite tasted … funny. So for good measure, I took a second bite … and then a third. Still tasted funny, almost like licorice. It was the same recipe as usual, but something had changed. And it was my taste buds, whom I have always kept food on the table for (no idea if that’s how to use whom but it sounded cool). AND on top of all of this, I ate Parmesan cheese, the WORST of them all in my opinion (I think it smells like a foot) and I enjoyed it. It was like fireworks went off my in mouth. It was delicious. But I don’t want it to happen again. My tastebuds are traitors.

Another thing, my hair is just all out of whack. Why am I losing hair on my head, but my leg hair continues to grow? Why is the hair in my left armpit growing back blonde? Why have my eyebrows stopped growing (not complaining because I’m not allowed to get them waxed and they aren’t falling out). But I will say, except for my skin being dry, I have way less acne and my pores are definitely smaller. Maybe my body feels bad about my hair so it’s throwing me a bone in the skin department. At least that’s what I’d like to think is going on.

And last but not least, I am so bored. So so so bored. I have knit so many hats that my thumb is callused. On the weekends I work to occupy the time. I miss going out. Not because I miss drinking, but I miss creating memories. I miss the mornings of recapping the night before. I miss living spontaneously. I miss making new friends. I miss hanging with my old friends. And I just really miss Caesar salad (still not over it).

So at this point, one third of the way through treatment, things are changing. As the weeks go on, I notice new things about my body. But as the days pass by, I realize how much closer I am to the finish line of this stupid race. I will remind myself of this every time I crave lo mein and lettuce and when I want to be out with my friends. And I will save my crisis for when I’m 50 and feel the need to buy a sports car or a dog or a Birkin bag or whatever people do when they have a mid life crisis. But, in no time, I will be able to join my pals for dinner (at a Chinese restaurant hopefully) and a night out.

Get out and vote today, people, I went yesterday so really if I got to the polls then you actually have no excuse. So Happy Tuesday from me and my special guest, Meg, who came with me to chemo today and let me eat half of her bagel. Pce and luv~

3 thoughts on “The Fourth Tuesday: We Talk About My Quarter Chemo Crisis

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