The Twenty-Seventh Tuesday: We Talk About Keepin’ it Positive

HELLO from the first Tuesday where I don’t have to talk about doctor appointments or how many times I wanted to throw up the week after chemo or what life is like without Chinese food or how I missed out on something fun because my counts were low. I can talk about what I ate and what I did and who I saw and and even how long it took me to get there! Which is where I will start this post ….

Let me just throw it out there: it took me four hours to get into NYC last Friday (on a normal day it should take me approx ~50 minutes or so). Four hours of my life was spent on probably one of the most packed NJ transit trains I have ever been on. So naturally, every ounce of happiness, positivity and joy was taken over by overwhelming amounts of anger, anxiety, hunger, and the feeling of wanting to punch every person who works for NJ transit/Amtrak/any train operation system in the face.

Oh, and the reason I was going into the city was for a surprise party (that I ended up ruining for myself earlier in the week) that my friends had planned to celebrate my clear scans.

I was livid. I’m almost positive that at one point in my journey there had to have been smoke coming out of my ears, but since I was alone, no one was there to tell me if this was, in fact, true.

I was on such a high from a week of good news that this was such a blow to every ounce of my being. I felt myself beginning to ask “why me?” and think that of course this would only happen to me. But it wasn’t only me. estimated that 1200 people were affected by the train derailment on Friday night. There were people who missed some of Billy Joel’s concert at The Garden. People who missed the first couple innings of the Yankees game in the Bronx. People who missed dinner with loved ones. And people who were worried about being late for their flights out of Newark Airport.

I was just running late to a party that would have been there for me regardless of what time I got to the city.

At this point my bladder was about to explode from the ice cofffee I drank before I got on the train. I thought “I did not go through six months of chemo just to die of embarrassment by peeing in my pants on a crowded train.” Not today. So I calmed myself down with some deep breaths and moved myself to the back of the train, where there was a bathroom, and open seats, since I had been standing for an hour already. Everything was going to be ok. I exchanged a funny look and rolled eyes with a flight attendant when we heard the train conductor say there would only be a 30 minute delay, even though we both knew the website said it would be closer to 90 minutes. After that, I heard sweet, sweet whispers of how people were planning on getting off the good-for-nothing train and hopping onto a different, magical one to Hoboken, from where you could get on the PATH to freedom. So I went for it.

I’m actually not even kidding when I say that when the door from the train to the PATH opened up, it was like the flood gates were opened. People SPRINTED with smiles on their faces as if it were the last mile of a marathon, or if you’re someone like me, as if there was free ice cream on the train. I think some people even had tears in their eyes. We were finally FREE.

And after being stuck on the same train for hours, I made it to the city in 25 minutes, and got to my friend’s apartment with plenty of time to finish my half-done make up that I started to do while on the train (eyeliner is V hard to do on a moving train, it should definitely be an olympic sport). The rest of the night was spent celebrating the great news with some of my closest friends and I loved every minute of it. I couldn’t even be mad at the fact that I was stuck on the train because I still had such a fun night. I have always been so grateful for my friends, but these past couple months have really shown me how lucky I am. Even though every surprise they try and plan me gets somehow ruined LOL. It’s ok though because I don’t love surprises (I think it’s my type-A personality coming out) and if I didn’t know all these people were coming, I wouldn’t have been able to tell them to avoid the trains at all costs! So it worked out for everyone.

I’m trying to keep positivity in my life since it is what I think helped me beat cancer. Oh and chemo, too. Also, it’s really nice to look on the bright side. Like I could complain a lot about the fact that I feel betrayed by my body because all my hair is growing back a lot darker and thicker than it was before it all fell out. But instead I will be happy that it’s growing back at all because that’s a sign that the chemo is leaving my system. And at least I can get it all waxed or dyed. Or lasered off.

All in all, it’s been a good week. Can’t complain about celebrations and hot dogs and friends and family. But you can complain about delayed trains. For a little.

Also, April the Giraffe finally had her baby on Saturday morning, so really, all is good in this world.

Hope you guys continue to keep up with me on Tuesdays!!!! I’ll keep writing because I like it. And I also paid for the rights to this website for a whole year. So not writing would just be a waste of money.

Enjoy this beautifulllllll Tuesday.

Footage of me on the train

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