Seeing as it is still 80 degrees in the middle of October, I decided to go on a run this morning. I figured the sun is shining, I have off from work today, so might as well take advantage of the weather while it still lasts.
I ran along the East River, which is a place I have admired from the passenger seat window for over a year.
To get to the hospital, we would take the FDR highway which goes right along the East River. I watched the runners on that path as we made our way in for chemo and scans. And I stared at the river with chemo-induced, exhausted, almost zombie-like eyes as we made our way home. I have seen it on beautiful days, like today, packed with runners and bikers and dog walkers. I have seen it when it’s cold and rainy. Sometimes my mom would say, “I think I just saw a whale” and I would laugh and it would ease my pre-chemo nerves. We would always forget which bridge was which, and then I heard someone use the expression BMW- Brooklyn, Manhattan, Williamsburg. I’m still not sure if that’s right. We would question who lives on Roosevelt Island, and how much fun it would be to take a freaking cable car to the city as your commute every day, unless you’re afraid of heights because then you probably have to figure something else out.
I have seen that running path. But I’ve never actually been on it. Until today.
Usually running helps take my mind off things, mostly because I’m more concerned with not passing out. But today was very different. I thought a lot about the past year and how I can’t believe that here I am, actually running along that path. I’m no longer watching, yearning, from the window like a creep. I am one of the people being creeped on. How cool!
It was just one of those moments that happens to me where it’s like a normal, ordinary moment for most people, but it hits me because I’m being ordinary and normal. I’m living in the city. I’m working in the city. I went grocery shopping without fearing that a nasty sick person used the shopping cart before me (even though I still thinkI’m doing it! I’m really doing it.
It’s not only a big day because I went for an ordinary run, but today I got the results from my sixth month scan. Six months!!!! I can’t help but think of everything that has happened to me in six months. I’ve been so busy lately that the scanxiety didn’t even hit me until I was on the subway to the hospital. I was sitting there and a wave of nausea hit me and I was like “holy shit what if the scan comes back bad? Will I have to move home? What about my apartment and my job?” And then I snapped out of it pretty quickly because I had a really good feeling about this round.
And I’m happy I didn’t freak out. Because my scans were “beautiful,” as the physician’s assistant and doctor put it. Six months is a big one. I consider it to be out of the hole. My PA assured me that the longer I go cancer free, the less likely it is to return. That feels good.
It feels good to reflect. It feels good to think about where I was and where I’m going. I got to see my favorite nurse Judy, and she said life is all about moving forward. I’m never going backwards, baby!!!!!!
My roommate from hell has moved out, and my new roommate from heaven (Brittany) has moved in. And we’re livin’ life!!!!
All smiles because I’m six months cancer freeeeeeee!!!!!!!