HELLO!!!!! It’s me!! In case you forgot who I am because it’s been so long (I’m sorry, I became a very busy girl all of a sudden, my resolution is to be better!!!!), I’m Katie! And it’s Tuesday. So here I am writing because I poorly planned and called and uber to take me to Penn Station too late and missed my train home. I’ve got time to kill and time to reflect and you can bet your bottom dollar that I’m gonna let you guys reflect with me because YOU have all made this year what it’s been for me. I could not have made it through the beginning of 2017 without your constant support and thoughts and good vibes. It kept me going and still keeps me going today. I have learned how truly generous and kind and fantastic people can be (I’ve also learned that some people suck but whatever that’s the exception NOT the rule). So THANK YOU for making my 2017 fricken fantastic.
Anyway, you guys are probably like “where has she been? Where is she going?” And I’m like, I’m not gossip girl, but one time I did go for a run in Central Park and I stopped to rest on the steps of the Met and took a shameless selfie and sent it to my mom. But really, I’ve been working and living my big girl life in good ‘ol NYC. We’ll get back to this later.
Let’s start reflecting. The first Tuesday of 2017, I was sitting in a chemo chair. Today, I’m sitting in a chair in Penn Station. Honestly, pretty similar environments. Dark and depressing, but filled with people who only have to be there until they can move on to what’s next. Not gonna lie to you guys, an extremely strange and overwhelming feeling came over me as I thought about this in the shower this morning. My breathe was actually taken away, my heart began to pound (wondering if working on a cardiac floor is getting to my head). And here I am again getting teary-eyed in Penn Station. HOW can someone’s life possibly change so much in one year? I had cancer last year. And now I don’t. And I don’t even feel sick. And I don’t even look sick. And I just can’t believe where I was and where I am.
How I started 2017…..
I will not lie, the beginning of 2017 discouraged me. In January, I felt the worst I had throughout treatment. It was month five out of six of chemo, I felt sick, I had to stay in the hospital because of a fever, I came to terms with the fact that my hair looked like a bowl of angel hair pasta and shaved my head. I thought that 2017 was going to be awful because January was soooo not my month. February came and went with the last two rounds of chemo. Then came March, where my energy started to come back, I went out for the first time in months and proceeded to take off my wig in a club, because who needs hair to have fun, I ate sushi for the first time too AND got to relax in Florida. Things were looking up. April came next and my life changed forever (my life has changed forever many, many times). I was cancer free. I ate a hot dog. I got stuck on NJ Transit for four hours. It was my birthday. From then on, the world has treated me well. Which if you all remember, the world does not owe me. And I still believe that to this day. Just because some pretty shit things have happened to me doesn’t mean I’m exempt from them never happening again. I’ve had to learn that the hard way, maybe a little too hard if you ask me, but here I am to tell the tale.
I took the summer to relax. I plopped my booty at the beach as much as possible. I had fun. I enjoyed and celebrated life. I got the tannest I have ever been in my whole life and I don’t care what you guys think, that might’ve been better than beating cancer idk lol. I got to travel to a new country with people that mean so much to me, especially the most amazing person in my life, my mom.
And then, I got to start my career as a nurse. My job is both challenging and rewarding. I see myself in my patients and some days that makes it easier, some days it hits too hard to home. When I have days that drain me physically and emotionally, I remember why I decided to be a nurse, and why I still wanted to be one after being a patient. Nursing is not easy. I am learning every single day and growing into my own. And that’s the beauty of it.
Aside from the things I have done this year, I mostly reflect on the things I have learned. I constantly have to remind myself that having a positive attitude actually makes a difference in your life. I was NEGATIVE before this happened. I complained and I bitched and I let myself feel bad for myself just because I felt I deserved that. Nah gurl. I don’t not complain anymore, I just do it less and before I open my mouth I think about why I’m complaining. I have SO much to be grateful for. I’m here breathing and living and walking and eating and enjoying life while there are people who cannot do that. I’ve learned not to take advantage of these basic acts of living that we do every day. I have learned that I am stronger than I thought. But I have also learned that I can’t go through life without others. Contrary to what I always thought, asking for help does not show weakness. As the song goes “I get by with a little help from my friends,” and by a little, I mean a lot.
Some people say 2017 was mediocre and I’m like ok yea you’re right. Natural disasters, a lot of sexual harassment stuff that makes your skin crawl, we still don’t know what happened to Malaysian Airlines flight 370, Twitter still let’s Donald Trump tweet (covfefe) and the fact that the Jets still suck are just a few events that made us lose faith in humanity. But the events that occurred in my world were great AND IT’S MY WORLD AND YOU’RE ALL JUST LIVING IN IT.
As for 2018, who knows what’s to come. And that scares me because I like to plan. But one of my resolutions is to worry less. I let my anxieties get the best of me, even when I know things are sometimes (and most often) out of my control. I’m working on it every day. My other resolution is to cure cancer and find out what happened to flight 370. Easy!
So listen up, if your 2018 starts out pretty shitty, there’s still hope. I had to get through 4 chemo treatments and a root canal before I got to the good stuff, I have faith for you too!
Let’s go out there and do the damn thing.
Another resolution is take more pictures or something idk, these pictures done do my year justice but here’s a year in review.